


The Words We Say

by knightswatch



Category: Free!
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Friendly advice, Gifts, Kinda a late valentines thing, Love Confessions, M/M, Unless you're Rin, and then maybe you don't feel so fluffy about it, mostly just fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 06:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3371225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightswatch/pseuds/knightswatch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto hummed in the back of his throat, and when Rin looked up his green eyes were far away in thought. There was no immediate comfort, no assurance that he hadn't done anything wrong. Even Makoto thought it-</p>
<p>“I fucked up,” Rin's voice was glum, and Makoto nearly jumped at the obscenity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Words We Say

**Author's Note:**

> Nitori confesses his affections to Rin. Rin does not do the best job of handling it. My first fic for Free! Or really any fandom in a very long time. Hopefully it's enjoyable.

When Nitori finally plucks himself up to the task of confessing to Rin, he's not expecting it to happen. It's just after practice, both boys walking to the gate with Rin on his way home to spend time with the Iwatobi team and his family for the weekend. They stop, Rin preparing to walk away with a simple wave over his shoulder at Nitori. Instead he's met with the quivering look in Nitori's eyes that makes him stop dead. 

“Ai, what's wrong? I'll be back tomorrow night...” He speaks hesitantly, the glimmering build of tears in Nitori's eyes is making his whole chest feel heavy and twisted. He's grim whenever Nitori cries, but it's worse when he's clearly struggling to hold the tears from spilling out of his eyes and his chin wobbles like it is, he's entirely powerless.

“I-I like you, Senpai.” The words were throaty, thick with the tears threatening to overwhelm Nitori as he spoke. Rin's face softened, and he wrapped his arms around the boys thin shoulders, pulling the two of them close together. 

He knew some people avoided Nitori because of his girlish looks and bright personality. He also knew that he had been bullied for those things. Nitori had never told Rin directly about it, but he had told Sejiuuro, and from there the information had passed to Rin. Even the memory of it made a trickle of angry heat run through his blood; standing with Nitori in his arms soothed it away. He had made him safe, not just by appointing himself as the person who walked nearly everywhere on campus with Nitori, who swam with him every day and took him along on jogs or trips to the store for a gallon of milk that poor lactose intolerant Nitori couldn't even drink. 

It had taken Rin months to figure out who the bullies were without being able to ask. But after quietly observing who Nitori flinched away from, who laughed at them when they thought when Rin wasn't listening, the people Nitori went out of his way to never mention, the pieces fell together. 

It had resulted in a fight that nearly got him kicked off the swim team all over again. He had come back to the room with a black eye and knuckles rubbed raw and bloody, much to Nitori's concern. Rin didn't explain what he'd done, though when those three assholes began going out of their way to avoid Nitori entirely, it was clear he figured it out from the way his eyes would sometimes rest on the bandages he had tied around Rin's hands.

But Nitori... Liked him? Rin was still hugging him, almost fiercely. He could feel the gentle shaking of Nitori's shoulders against his, and his hand absently stroked up and down his back, rocking him like a swelling wave. Rin was both shocked to hear it, and not surprised at all. The news left him with no words in the end, and he didn't let go of Nitori until he knew he was in danger of missing the train without going at a sprint to the station.

Still, when he let go it was slow. Reluctant. He wanted to keep standing there with Nitori in his arms, and without looking he knew that Nitori was crying. He paused after his arms dropped, leaning forward and pressing one adoring kiss to his forehead, lingering there with chapped lips and his heart fluttering wildly in his chest, like he was swimming away from the arms of a tsunami.

And then, confused and cowardly, Matsuoka Rin ran to catch his train.

~

It wasn't until he was lounging in Haru's living room that he realized he had said nothing at all in response. With a dramatic groan, he stuffed his face in between his palms, pulling Makoto's attention away from the textbook spread out on the table.

“Rin?” He asked, his voice almost gratingly gentle. He didn't want someone to treat him nicely, though with Haru in the other room cooking, he knew kindness was all he was going to get.

“Ai- Nitori-kun... He um, confessed to me today,” He didn't pull his face out of his hands, feeling his blood rush to turn it a truly shameful color of pink. “I didn't say anything.”

“Rin!” Makoto's voice was almost strong enough to be considered scolding. With a deep breath, he calmed himself and the voice changed. It was like Rin was a sick kitten he was trying to draw out of hiding. “What did you do?”

“I hugged him for awhile, and I um.. Then I had to go,” He didn't have the courage to describe kissing Nitori, even if it was just his forehead. It felt too intimate, like he had laid a kiss directly on his brain. The thought made Rin's blush worse. “He was crying though, even before he said it.”

Makoto hummed in the back of his throat, and when Rin looked up his green eyes were far away in thought. There was no immediate comfort, no assurance that he hadn't done anything wrong. Even Makoto thought it-

“I fucked up,” Rin's voice was glum, and Makoto nearly jumped at the obscenity. He lifted his hands quickly, trying to placate Rin out of the self-loathing that licked at his heart. How could he do that to someone like Nitori?

“Is he the one that made you get in that fight?” Haru's voice was a monotone, his head barely turned over his shoulder to look at Rin's back. Rin sighed, but nodded slowly.

“He didn't make me. He didn't even tell me they were picking on them. I never really said anything to him about it afterwards,” Rin shrugged his shoulders, looking back at Makoto for some kind of answer. Makoto's mind seemed to be fully back into the world, and he didn't seem to be in danger of reprimanding Rin for his mouth.

“You'll have to talk to him tomorrow,” He offered, tilting his head with a smile. As if it were the simplest solution in the world. As if Rin wasn't half expecting to come back and find that he didn't have a roommate at all any more. Or worse...

“What if he changed his mind? It's not like I handled myself very well,” Rin was brave enough to meet Makoto's eyes now, though his head snapped away as Makoto softened even further. It was a marvel he had any muscles at all being such a marshmallow.

“I don't think he'll change his mind; but his feelings might be hurt,” Makoto paused, observing the way Rin's shoulders crunched further inwards at that. “You're going to have to speak with him.”

The emphasis he put on the word speak was almost unconscious, but it was no secret that Rin wasn't a master wordsmith. Rin huffed out a sigh, resting both arms on one of his knees and laying his head on them.

“That's what I'm worried about,” It was barely above a mutter, but Makoto had no trouble making the words out. “Just.. Don't tell Nagisa about this. I don't think his advice would give me much courage in talking.”

He had missed the sound of the front door opening, and the dreaded blond stepping through the entrance way. His eyes were alight with mischief as he came to a stop just behind Rin, Rei in tow.

“Don't tell Nagisa what?” He cooed, leaning over close to Rin. “I love secrets!”

Rin yelped, leaping nearly across the table with wide, terrified eyes. He groaned loudly, hiding his face behind his arms this time as Nagisa plopped himself to the ground and wiggled across the floor, close to his childhood friend once more.

“Rin's roommate confessed to him today,” Makoto answered, his tone almost motherly. So much for Rin's request for secrecy. It was just as well, they both knew Nagisa would talk circles around them until he found out anyways.

“Oooohhh, Rin-chan! Do you have a boyfriend now?” Nagisa's voice was so excited that Rin attempted to curl fully inside of himself. His head gave a weak shake.

“I fucked it all up and he probably hates me now,” Rin's voice was muffled, the sleeves of his jacket, along with his arms, pressed tightly against his toothy mouth. “I didn't even say anything to him.”

Nagisa blinked, crawling over until his head was balanced on Rin's shoulder, nuzzling against him and mussing his blond curls futher. Rei gave a grunt of displeasure at seeing them out of place, but quietly adjusted his glasses instead of trying to pull Nagisa away just yet.

It had become his job in a way, to restrain the exuberant blond. But Rin scared him still, and he had never seen the redhead in this kind of upset. His rage usually radiated outwards like a bomb exploding, but this time he seemed like he wanted to withdraw into his own chest like it housed a black hole.

“That's mean Rin-chan! Don't you like him too? I always thought you did, he's always around with you and he seems to happy!” Nagisa smiled, his arms wrapping around one of Rin's and gently pulling it away to reveal one glowering red eye. 

Nagisa seemed completely unaffected by Rin's rage, and continued tugging until he had unwrapped the arm completely from Rin's leg. His cheeks were nearly as red as his hair, though he gave up trying to hide.

“I didn't know how to say it,” He blinked his eyes, internally cursing the quiver that had found its way into his voice. He coughed weakly, hoping to clear it away. “He was crying and I had to go.”

It was an excuse, and the memory of Nitori's shoulders shaking with his tears brought a whole new pain to Rin's stomach. Like ten pounds of steel were coiling inwards around it, constricting him. Nagisa was as bright as ever, nuzzling his head on Rin's shoulder in an attempt to bring him some kind of cheer.

“He gave him a hug though,” Makoto offered, trying his best to be helpful. Rin grunted, looking determinedly at the leg of the table as his cheeks colored further.

“Mmm, that's hard Rin-chan,” Nagisa hummed, bringing his legs up to his chest as well. He rocked back and forth, his shoulder rubbing on Rin's pulling him into the soothing motion. 

“I really didn't mean to turn him down,” Rin's voice was barely above a grumble as he lifted his head up reluctantly. Hiding didn't seem to be doing much to make the situation any better. “Maybe I should get him a gift or something.”

He sighed hard before looking at Nagisa, scratching his blunt nails over the back of his neck.

“What would you do, if your megane speedo had freaked out on you?” His question brought a strange coughing sound out of the closely listening Rei. Rin looked up, one eyebrow quirked, before he remembered that the two of them dating was supposed to be some kind of secret. “Right, sorry. He told me awhile ago.”

Rin shrugged, it wasn't much of an apology, but he really didn't feel that bad. Nagisa had continued rocking both of them, smiling the whole while.

“It's okay Rin-chan!” He giggled, and Rin knew he wasn't imagining the devious edge to the sound of it. “Rei-chan didn't know what to do either; he turned bright red and got kinda mad at me!”

“Now, Nagisa-kun, that wasn't really-” Rei began speaking, but was cut off as Nagisa quickly continued telling the story that clearly delighted him.

“He had written a whooole speech to read to me, but I beat him to it! I still let him read it though; he only made it through like three index cards before I distracted him with kisses!” Nagisa smiled up at Rin, receiving only a dejected groan in response.

“I'm moving back to Australia,” Rin sighed, dropping his legs all the way as Haru carried the food out to the table. It was an unsurprising spread of mackerel and rice and Rin glared at him with all the force that his tired eyes could manage. 

He had cried on the train, hiding it the best he could from any of the other riders seeing. If he cried again here, he was sure not one of them would be surprised.

“Don't cry.” Haru intoned seriously, the plate clattering at he set it in front of Rin. Rin wanted to argue, he really did, but he knew it was pointless to try. Instead he looked back to Makoto, picking at the fish in front of him with a sigh.

“Would a gift be good?” He asked, internally cringing at the thick feeling of his own voice and turning quickly back to the food in front of him, picking at it. He did not miss Makoto's nod in response, though he feigned being totally interested in his food.

~

It was because of this that Rin wound up at the shopping center the next day, with Makoto and Nagisa there to help him. He found neither to be any damn help at all, with Nagisa clinging endlessly to his arm and asking about sweets every time there was a lull in the conversation. The conversation that was provided mostly by Nagisa in the first place.

Makoto had spoken up sometimes, eventually managing to guide Rin and his blond leech into a toy store of some kind after Rin admitted that he was fairly sure Nitori liked stuffed animals. There was a raggy old plush dog in his bed at all times and he had dragged it with him on the few occasions that Rin had let- more asked, him to sleep in the bottom bunk.

The first time they had both fallen asleep watching a movie; it was the first night at Samezuka that he slept without having any nightmares at all. In fact his sleep had been deep and refreshing. After that, he would let Nitori sleep there periodically; usually he would let him fall asleep in the lower bunk without any complaint, simply throwing one arm over Nitori's shoulder and drifting off himself.

No wonder Nitori had feelings for him, he realized with a protracted groan. He had a soft stuffed Shark in his hand, staring at it with a thoroughly glum face before turning to Nagisa, one vibrant eyebrow raised in a question he didn't feel like asking.

“Oohh Rin-chan! It's so cute!” Nagisa took it from him, giving the toy a tight squeeze before handing it back with an unstoppable smile that even Rin had a begrudging soft spot for.

“I didn't get you into any trouble, did I? I know you said Ryugazaki wasn't ready to tell the team, but I forgot,” His voice was closer to a mumble, glancing at Makoto only to find the tall boy was entirely distracted by a shelf full of stuffed cats. Nagisa shrugged his shoulders with a smile.

“Rei-chan wasn't mad. Plus he's too scared of you to say anything,” Nagisa giggled a little and Rin was about to question why Nagisa's boyfriend would be scared of him, then paused.

“Did you show him those texts?” The question was louder, more demanding as Rin crossed his arms in a huff, the shark dangling from one hand.

“Uh-huh!” His voice sunk low and growly in an imitation of Rin's. “You can date whoever you want, Nagisa, but if he tries anything I'll drown him myself!”

Rin groaned, choosing not to comment on how poor the impression was in quality. “You aren't supposed to fuckin' tell him I said that.”

Well whatever. At least he'd knew to toe the line now, even if striking up a friendship with him seemed unlikely. Nagisa's eyes rolled, waving to Makoto and pushing Rin towards the register.

“I didn't think he'd take it so seriously. It probably didn't help you got in that fight though,” Naigsa hummed at his own thoughts. Rin rubbed at the back of his neck with a groan.

“Why is everyone making such a big deal out of that?” He laughed softly, shaking his head as he passed the shark to the girl behind the register. “I had to stand up for him, and no one's picked on him since.”

Makoto, standing a foot behind him, heaved a delicate sigh. It was clear he didn't in any way approve of Rin's method in handling the situation, though he didn't voice anything specific. After paying, Rin took the bag that was handed to him and looked back at Makoto with a toothy smirk.

“I know why you are, don't worry Mom,” His teasing brought a gentle smile out of Makoto who inclined his head at Nagisa.

“We would really appreciate you not beating up Rei-kun,” He ruffled Nagisa's blond curls before Nagisa reattached himself to Rin's arm.

“Tch. Someone has to keep him in line,” Still, Rin was smiling, not even trying to shake his arm free from Nagisa's somewhat crushing grip.

“So if Nagisa was dating a girl you'd threaten them too?” Makoto asked, his voice soft but almost genuinely curious.

“Nah, that's Gou's area.” He waved his free hand, letting out an apprehensive sigh as they reached the station. The train back to Samezuka was coming soon, and so he would have to face Nitori and admit exactly how much of a careless idiot he was. It was not an exciting prospect, and in the pit of his stomach he seriously doubted a stuffed shark was going to account for his actions. He did take the indirect advice of Rei however, digging a crumpled old assignment from his bag and scribbling furiously on the back of it.

When the train arrived at Samezuka, Rin climbed off slowly, making the walk through the gate and to the dorms with a trudging reluctance in his steps. He was a little relieved to find the door to his room unlocked, though it made his stomach drop as if it had been filled up with lead. However, when he pushed to open it, the door pushed back against him.

He moved to shove it with his shoulder before it whipped open, nearly pulling Rin with it. He released the handle, and was surprised at coming face to face with captain Mikoshiba. He took a step back, arms crossed over his chest, looking up with a glower in his red eyes.

“Rin... No knock?” Mikoshiba's voice was hard, and he measured the plain annoyance on Rin's face with a look to match.

“On my own door? Not usually,” Rin grunted, glancing over the captains broad shoulders. He could make out a Nitori sized lump on the top bunk, covered by a thick blanket. Mikoshiba shifted, and the view was blocked again.

“Oi. You're in the way,” Rin shoved his way past the captain, surprised by his hard stance in the doorway. He yielded, but it seemed he just didn't want to cause a scene in the hallway. Rin dropped his bag on the lower bunk, turning and finding Mikoshiba shutting the door and leaning his back against it.

“You need somethin' from me?” Rin asked, grumbling a little as he tucked the bag holding the shark a little further behind him, quirking one eyebrow in annoyance. 

“Yeah. I wanna know what happened,” Mikoshiba's voice was the same dark, serious tone he had used every time he had to lecture Rin on his mistakes. Rin blinked, looking at the lump on the bed behind him. Nitori hadn't moved or made a sound since Rin had come back; and though he was already taking it as a sign of just how much he fucked up, he certainly didn't want to tell Mikoshiba that.

“Nothin',” He looked away evasively, crossing his arms with a little snort. 

“Look, I'll give you tonight to handle this. But if I don't see some kind of improvement by practice, we're gonna have to actually talk about this,” Mikoshiba looked at the lump on the bed, his gaze softening. “Like I said, Nitori-kun, I've got a spare bed all made if you need it.”

Rin growled at the thought, glaring steadily at the captain until he let himself out. After the door was safely closed, he reached up and rustled Nitori with one hand, the other tugging the ends of his hair.

“Oi.. Ai, sit up so I can talk to you,” His voice was soft, almost tired. All the annoyance had bled out of him and he was left with the weight of his dread. What if he couldn't fix this? 

He was almost surprised when Nitori pulled the blanket away from his face. He didn't sit up right away, eyeing Rin with damp, wary eyes. His face was flushed from the heat of the blanket, but his eyes were rimmed red. Rin's fist clenched around the blanket, the sight constricting his gut further. He dropped his hand from his hair, grabbing the bag with the shark in it and passing it to the top bunk.

“I got you this. Cuz... Y'know, I'm sorry,” His words were rushed and when Nitori reached two shaking hands out to take the bag and pull the toy out of it, Rin's breath gusted out in a hot sigh.

“I-it's okay Senpai, I shouldn't have...” He began, but Rin raised a hand, breathing out hard once more.

“It's not. I handled it badly and I'm sorry,” He paused, wishing he could pull the scribbled out thoughts from his bag without looking any more like an idiot. “I'm not any good with words, but that excuse only goes so far.”

Nitori is sitting fully upright now, hugging the shark without seeming to realize it. This isn't really going how he expected; there was no yelling and when he looked up at Nitori his eyes were molten and earnest.

“You worked up enough courage to share your feelings with me and I ran off,” Rin sighed, coaching himself away from the self pity. His fingers clamped tightly around his pants leg.

“S-senpai, it's really okay!” Nitori's voice was saccharine and palpably fake, the same as the smile that lit up his face. “I really like the shark, and I'm not mad! You can forget about it.”

Rin blinked his eyes, looking up in confusion. He could feel a little bubble of annoyance in the pit of his stomach at Nitori's continued attempt to bury his feelings. 

“I don't want to forget about it,” He snapped, not really meaning to. He looked up, able to feel the desperation on his face as his words forced their way out in a hot rush. “I'm trying to tell you sorry because I like you Ai, and I was a jerk and I didn't say it when I should have.”

He could feel Nitori's eyes resting on him with a palpable weight. It made his neck ache, but his face remained turned down, burning as red as his hair. How stupid could he be, he'd even gotten mad at Nitori when he was trying to share his feelings. Rin took an extra moment to wallow in his stupidity before swinging himself onto the bottom bunk, safely out of sight.

There was a creaking above him, and Nitori landed on the balls of his feet, pulling the cuddly shark from his bed and wiggling himself next to Rin. Rin creaked one eye open, scooting over to make space for Nitori on the slim bunk, something unfamiliar stirring in his chest. Nitori looked up at him with those brilliantly blue eyes, lit up like little stars.

“What should we name him Senpai?” He asked, his head nuzzled comfortably onto Rin's shoulder, both arms wrapped around the soft toy, his lips parted just a little in a bright smile. Rin's mind was left struggling to catch up, even as he draped a lazy arm over Nitori's waist, stroking his fingers over the fuzzy fabric that made up the shark. He chuckled softly, a name finding its way into his mind.

“You should call it Shōri,” He raised an eyebrow, laughing softly and pressing his lips into Nitori's. It was a brief, tender kind of contact and Rin leaned back from it almost too soon, laying with his cheek pressed to Nitori's soft silver hair. “Thank you, Ai.”

Nitori twitched an eyebrow upwards at this, rolling to his side so he was now facing Rin head on.

“What for, Rin-Senpai?” He asked, a sort of dazzled amusment in his eyes and his soft voice. He couldn't really think of anything he'd done worthy of thanks.

“For not changing your mind,” Rin tucked his head sheepishly downwards, a dusting of pink on his cheeks. Nitori's lips pressed against his temple, and Rin only blushed further before tugging the slender form in his arms closer, squishing the soft shark between them.


End file.
